Finding Joy During the Teen Years

We are living in serious times, at least as far as my generation has experienced. As families raise teens and young adults right now, it can be difficult to avoid getting bogged down and discouraged as a parent. There is so much that makes healthy family life just out of reach in our culture, but when you began on the journey of family, you had high hopes none-the-less. So many of the cultural messages all around us from movies, entertainers, social media, and people we interact with, can all contradict what we had hoped for to strengthen families. Even so, it will not help those who we call family if we find ourselves discouraged, unable to lead and void of whimsy. 

How can we find joy when arguments become a common occurrence with our growing kids, or boundaries we set are disregarded once again. The cycle of heaviness comes back around over and over, leaving us less joyful than before. I have felt it during the last year, as abilities to see eye to eye with our teens have been put to the test. I have found myself thinking “dang, why is everything so serious all the time?” It seems that every family I know has been touched in this way throughout the year. But I have also discovered that there is joy to be found…especially during these times, and it has to do with where our focus is.

One way to get joy back in our perspective is to zoom out and take a look at the bigger picture. You know how everyone tells you when you have a new baby, to enjoy it because it goes fast? You look at them through your sleep deprivation and wonder how the next eighteen years is going to go fast, but somehow it does. Once our kids are in their teens, the years left under our roof are short and will go fast. These young humans have been raised by you, will carry your name, and are about to head out into the world. Another mental shift we can do is keep in mind that while family is designed by God to show us a glimpse of the kingdom of heaven on earth, it is not exactly heavenly yet. Our expectations of having a perfect family may need to come down a few notches in order to not constantly dwell in disappointment. An earthly family is not capable of supporting all of our hopes and desires, it will fail us. The story of your family with all of its ups and downs is beautiful, and should not be idealized or demonized, but looked at as a blessing, a blessing that shapes us and causes us to grow.

To stop and notice the ways in which your family has blessed you, even though there has been pain, allows us to experience love in many ways that we would not have otherwise known. Practice asking God to be with your family, and then let go and let his grace fill in where you give up that control. When we have given up control, we can look at family from a different perspective, one that can experience joy again. Our interactions become lighter, we smile more, and we find ourselves actually enjoying the ride.

 “When I see you again, you’ll be full of joy, and it will be a joy no one can rob from you.” -Jesus (John 16:22MSG)