Muted Colors

How have you weathered the last 12 months? If you are like me, you might have much to be thankful for in the way of health, housing, safety, etc. So you may feel like you are weathering well when all things are considered. Another way to phrase the question would be, how is your soul weathering the last 12 months? Do you feel like you are running on steam? Or that you do not have much left to offer at the end of the day? Is your sense of wonder diminished? I have felt these things slowly creeping up on me recently, and once I started to take a look at this past year through my personality’s core motivations and desires, I can see why my energy storage is left more than a little depleted.

Each of the nine main types of the Enneagram most likely have experienced things about this last year that have been challenging and soul draining. Add on top of it, being the parent of one or more teenagers, and you may very well be feeling as if you are in crisis. Here is the short list of stressors that could be chipping away at your soul in the last year –

• Family division over politics and Covid
• Long-term school closure
• Long-term church closure
• Parent/teen tension
• Work moved to home
• Financial stress
• Worry for divisions in the country
• Social media/news negativity
• Marital tension
• Essential worker stress
• Elderly family member care
• Lack of contact with friends/community
• Concerns for your teen’s mental health

Now if you think of your specific personality type, you can see how some of these stressors will be even more challenging for you. For myself, I can see that my 9, peacemaker type needs time and space to feel or create peaceful environments in order to re-energize. Some of the time needs to be spent alone with no agenda, but with most of our family doing work and school under the same roof throughout the last year, that has not happened a whole lot. Another type that may especially feel the effects of the whole family being home could be type twos. These types are like professional helpers and supporters, and with everyone being home, the boundaries can quickly blur, and one can feel unappreciated. For the type sevens who love spontaneity and fun, the long list of disappointments and seriousness of the world right now can weigh so heavy. Now, more than ever, it is crucial to set up boundaries and habits that will nurture your specific core longings. This will allow you to be present and keep perspective when connecting with your teen. We know they need you, especially during this time, to relate to them with understanding and hope. Many teens are really struggling to find joy in all of this.

If you are familiar with the descriptions of the different Enneagram types, it would be good to give some thought as to how the members of your family are processing their current reality. Here is a simple list of what each of the nine types longs to hear at the soul level. This can be helpful as you continue the process of nurturing each of the personality types within your family during uncertain times. I have used Beth & Jeff McCord’s book Becoming Us as a reference for these core longings.

Type 1 –           You are good.

Type 2 –           You are wanted and loved. You don’t have to give to earn my love.

Type 3 –           You are loved and valued for simply being you. You don’t have to earn my love.

Type 4 –           You are seen and loved for exactly who you are—special and unique.  

Type 5 –           Your needs are not a problem.  

 Type 6 –           You are safe and secure.

 Type 7 –           You will be taken care of.

 Type 8 –           You will not be betrayed.

 Type 9 –           Your presence matters.

 Even though we can’t really know our child or teen’s type until they reach adulthood, we can observe what type they operate in most of the time. When you keep this in mind, it can help you nurture them in a way that will speak to their unique motivations the most.  

 Hopefully things will turn toward a more normal rhythm for everyone, but if not, you can work to find your own unique way of caring for yourself and those in your home. There is not one right or wrong way, but there is a type of help that only you can bring to your situation. Continue to step into how God has uniquely wired you to be a parent to the teen in your home!

If this topic is one you would like to explore more, I would love to talk with you and work together to creat a plan for self-care as well as the care of those in your home. Contact me today for a free introductory chat!